I wrote this satire piece when in high school:

"Fabulous Farm™: Proudly Growing Humans Since 2050," greets a sign as I pass the main entrance of the office. I'm here to meet with Mr. Adolf Hartman, owner and founder of Fabulous Farm, the largest producer of humans in the universe.

It all started with our invasion of Earth, says Hartman. We had colonized a new planet and realized that we had a plentiful food source right on the planet itself that was both stupid enough to be easily caught and fat enough to provide sustenance. Human legs became a staple, hair a delicacy, eyeballs a tasty dessert. Hartman took advantage of this opportunity, combining cost-cutting practices with professional efficiency to produce the best-quality human meat in the world. As a result, the company has grown multinational and has brought immense profits into the pockets of its shareholders.

Hartman invites me inside and shows me around the breeding stables. Most humans are typically sterilized at birth, and females are implanted using artificial insemination. This technique has several advantages, Hartman explains. First and foremost, this allows for selective breeding; through artificial selection, only the plumpest and tastiest humans can be bred. Next, males, who are harder to deal with, can be killed off early in their lives after they have served their use for breeding. In addition, less males are needed per female, making the entire process more efficient. Such a comprehensive level of breeding control has been key to the company's unprecedented success.

However, the farm has been surrounded by controversy in the past.  The "modest living conditions" claimed by Hartman turned out to be, in fact, tiny cages, and reports continually surfaced of whipping and ill-treatment by supervisors. How could the company treat humans in such a cruel way? Due to enormous pressure from groups such as PETH (Planeteers for the Ethical Treatment of Humans), the farm industry has finally caved in, consenting to federal regulations for better living conditions. Thanks to these efforts, consumers now have the option to buy "cage-free" and "organic" humans, which minimize impact on the environment.

"We're not just the average farm," Hartman boasts. His farm has adopted several practices to improve the living conditions of humans and has pledged to eliminate pesticides, antibiotics, and cages. "We have made efforts to make our treatment – excuse the pun – more humane," he explains. "We're not treating them cruelly anymore. We breed them, feed them, and give them a good life." He shows me the food they give to fatten them, the pens in which they live, the slaughter room in which they are administered a painless injection to die. “We actually care about these humans. We make sure that when they end their lives, they are prime for consumption. What more could we do?"

Running a human farm does have its challenges, though. Consider the recent revolt by humans who were separated from their offspring. It took some time and effort, but farmers managed to brutally crush the uprising, dismembering the bodies and selling the pieces for meat. The level of resistance posed by humans is just astounding. Why are humans so... different? Heinrich Holst, lead scientist of the R&D division at Family Farm, has an answer. "Humans used to be at the top of the food chain here on earth," he explains. "They used to grow animals on farms for food. Now they're having a hard time adjusting." I find myself agreeing as we pass by a group of screeching humans.

Humans have been shown in studies to possess a rudimentary nervous system. Although this is a hotly debated topic, some believe that they can feel emotions, such as joy or pain, just like us. Is it inherently cruel, I ask Hartman, to kill humans solely for food, who might actually be able to feel it? "We can't help it," shrugs Hartman. "It's just part of the food chain." He pauses, then chuckles. "What else could we eat, plants?"

I laugh along with him. Even if we are a highly evolved and benevolent species, we're not going to give up eating humans any time soon. After all, meat is the Eighth Wonder of the World.